Colombiana

A disappointingly flat script and a series of static action scenes make us wonder why anyone bothered to make this movie. Zoe Saldana wears a few glamorous outfits, and looks cool posing with a gun, but that's about as exciting as it gets. 

The hype...
Having featured as a supporting actress in some of the biggest films of all time, Zoe Saldana takes the lead role in this assassin movie written and produced by Luc Besson. The similarities to other genre films seem all too obvious, so perhaps this isn't going to be the film that finally rockets her to a successful leading role.

The story...
Fifteen years ago, Cataleya, a nine-year-old Columbian girl, witnesses the slaughter of her parents in their own home. She managed to escape the same fate and found safety in America with her uncle, and vicious gangster, Emilio (Cliff Curtis).

After years of training by her uncle, Cataleya (Zoe Saldana) becomes a hit woman for hire. She yearns to avenge the deaths of her parents, and as she kills her way to the culprits she leaves a calling behind: a rare orchid drawn onto her victims' chests. But this could also prove to be her downfall as the authorities and the ruthless criminals that killed her family begin to close in.

The breakdown...
It's not too difficult to find where the blame for this bland and forgettable effort lies. Although impressively-named director Olivier Megaton and star Saldana add little to the mix, it's writer and producer Luc Besson who should be in the firing line.

He turns in another lazy script which is so full of cliché that he could have cut down the first hour of the movie into a five minute montage. You would anticipate that the long build-up would at least fuel the revenge that Cataleya is about to exact, but in fact we get a series of red herrings and dead ends that only infuriate.

Worse still, the assassin elements of the character are all thrown away at random moments, making her come across as pretty incompetent.

The villains are all from the big book of South American bad guys. They are indistinguishable from one another, and as a result the 'big face-off' at the end has no impact whatsoever.

The Saldana/Curtis dynamic works well when it's given a chance, but it is kept off screen for the most part. The fifteen years between Cataleya's arrival and subsequent career path is utterly unexplored, so how are we supposed to care for the bonds that the cold-hearted assassin has forged when they are threatened later on?

We can't, is the depressing answer, and we also don't give a hoot about the love interest who appears at irregular intervals in the story simply to flaunt Saldana's sensual side.

The one burst of excitement is a sub-Bourne fight scene towards the end, but it's far too little and far too late. Saldana's solo star-making turn remains tantalisingly out of reach.

The verdict...
It's hard to dislike Saldana in the lead, she can act and in the final few scenes shows off a decent action sensibility, but everything around her is a massive failure, predictably plotted and padded out with far too much exposition. Not Columbia's finest.

Rating: 2/5

'Colombina' is due to be released in the UK on 9 September. Certificate: 12A.