Movie Talk

Patton Oswalt Conjures Epic ‘Star Wars’/'Avengers’ Crossover on ‘Parks and Recreation’

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Patton Oswalt on NBC's 'Parks and Recreation' (Photo: NBC)

All we know is we would totally see this movie.

Patton Oswalt, who is fast becoming one of our most treasured comedians and pop philosophers, made a special guest appearance on NBC's "Parks and Recreation" as a Pawnee citizen looking to prevent a city council vote. The producers asked Oswalt to go ahead and rant about whatever topic he saw fit ('cause really, in the age of digital, no one worries about burning through film any more) and, well, something magical happened.

What Oswalt came up with had nothing to do with Pawnee or anything even vaguely related to "Parks and Rec." What he did do was provide what's probably going to end up being today's most-watched YouTube video -- and maybe even the week's.

Oswalt, for no particular reason that we can discern, pointed out that J.J. Abrams and Disney would be making a new "Star Wars" movie for the summer of 2015 and proceeded to outline what his ideal "Episode VII" would entail ... in startling detail. He insists that Brian De Palma write the opening scroll (because, he points out, the "Carrie" director wrote the opening scroll for "Episode IV: A New Hope" way back in 1977) and from there we witness Boba Fett's dramatic escape from the mouth of the almighty Sarlaac and Commander Luke Skywalker training Padawans on board a commandeered Imperial Star Destroyer -- with his father's red lightsaber, of course.

And, oh, that's barely the beginning. From there, Oswalt imagines an epic franchise crossover as out the window of the Star Destroyer we see Thanos, the supervillain teased at the end of "Marvel's The Avengers." How in the hell is Thanos in the "Star Wars" galaxy? Well, Thanos has the Infinity Gauntlet, which contains the Reality Gem, a quaint little bauble that allows him to jump to different realities. Duh.

From there, we get Tony Stark on Earth acknowledging this disturbance in the "time ribbon" (J.J. Abrams can come up with a cooler name than that), though this disturbance apparently allows Disney and Sony to merge as Stark recruits the likes of Spider-Man and Daredevil for the Avengers' next mission. Meanwhile, the monsters and Greek deities from "Clash of the Titans" show up, and Han Solo presents Luke with Chewbacca's severed head...

Actually, it's best if we let Patton tell it himself. Either way, we think he's scored himself a cameo in either "Star Wars: Episode VII" or "Marvel's The Avengers 2." Or at least "Bath of the Titans" or whatever they might call the third installment.

Remember when comedies had scripts? Neither do we. Check out what can happen when you don't have one.

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