'Texas Chainsaw Massacre,' 1974 (Photo: Everett)
#LessonsFromScaryMovies has been trending on Twitter. Anyone who has watched horror films over the years knows there are certain things you should avoid doing at all costs if want to make it alive to the end. For your horror film survival guide, here's some friendly advice from Twitter's #LessonsFromScaryMovies thread.
Don't Trip Over Things.
Tripping is a huge concern to Tweeters. Looking back, there is perhaps no greater threat to a horror film character than falling over something. Among the variations on the theme:
"Never run out to the woods from your house cause you will trip and fall & the killer will get you" (Kneleyy @ KneleyKnowlton)
"try NOT to trip and wait for the killer to come closer and be all 'no please stop' bc seriously they won't" (from Sara @ LassieNymphet).
It's also not a bad idea to follow the advice of Giggity @ _Riekcaz:
"When you're running, don't look back, just GO."
And Shonuff @ 5oodaysofautumn is probably on to something when he says:
"jason, michael myers and leatherface are all long distance runners, so sign up for a long distance training class."
Politely Greeting the Killer Never Works.
As Desstiney King @ DesstineyKing puts it:
"yelling 'hello?' or 'who's there?' will NOT cause the killer to be like 'oh hey, it's me, what's up!?' #idiots."
Sad but true, the old trick of walking slowly though the house (or woods) (or graveyard), asking if anyone is there is a clear case of bad strategy, since the guy with the big knife is not going to answer you, and the sound you make will only make it easier for him to find you.
Just Get Out of the Haunted House Already.
From "Poltergeist" to "Paranormal Activity," it's the same story: Folks move into a house, strange and scary things start to happen. A person with any sense would hit the road, but in the horror films, again and again, people refuse to budge! Take this advice from Cassady Bieber @ cassady_bieber:
"if you move into a new house and voices tell you to leave, DO NOT STAY."
And America Singer @ NotHisDear also offers a valuable perspective on this matter:
"if you think there's something haunting you don't film it! After 4 films you'd have thought they learned something."
Being Too Sexy in a Horror Movie Is Never a Good Idea.
"Halloween" and "Friday the 13th" introduced a concept that became an iron clad rule in slasher flicks: It’s not going to end well for the the young woman who is a little too flirty. As time has gone on, that rule’s been expanded to include the gal who looks a little too good and isn't afraid to let folks know it.
ConnorManning @ AConnorManning sums it up pretty concisely when he says:
"Never engage in sexual activity in the woods. You will die first."
Yezenia. @ YezziYez has cleverly spun this conventional wisdom into a survival mechanism:
"have a slutty friend, they usually go first."
And June 22nd @ Squaduphoe fully understands the indignity of it all when she says:
"don't be the hot white girl, you'll die naked."
'Psycho,' 1960 (Photo: Everett)
Along similar lines, since Alfred Hitchcock gave the world good reason for anxiety about showers in "Psycho," dozens of slasher movies have discovered it's good business to have one of the leading ladies discover a scary noise or see a threatening shadow while they're nude and soapy.
Brad Rhoden @BradRhoden1 sums it up well, posting, "when taking a shower smack the curtain open and jump back every time bc you never know when a killer will be there."
And HockeyIsLife @Leafs_Fan_Chick offers some practical preventative thinking: "Always lock the door when you're in the shower."
Don't Be So Sure the Killer Is Actually Dead.
How many times have we been sure Michael Meyers or Jason Voorhees is gone for good only to have him creep back, ensuring more mayhem and another sequel?
When you're taking out the murderous lunatic, don't be afraid to be thorough! As Tylis Mays @ TMack1986 says:
"if u shoot a killer make sure u empty the clip, dnt shoot once and turn your back."
Though Marissa Perez @ Marissa_Perez is clearly well informed about horror movies, she's less optimistic:
"No matter how many times you stab, burn, or run over the killer, HE'S NEVER DEAD."
And that, Marissa, is why we have franchises.
Can't We All Just Get Along and Die Equally?
One theme that refuses to go away on #LessonsFromScaryMovies is a concept examined in depth in an essay by film writer David Walker in his film 'zine BadAzz Mofo: "Why's The Brother Gotta Die?" If there's one character of color in the group, they seldom will make it to the end of the movie.
Black Veil Rebel @ bvbsoldier1714 wrote:
"Do not get attached to the Black characters...they don't have much time!!!"
Ahmad Sani Barde @ abba_sensei offers the advice:
"if you're a black man, never enter the dark room 1st. =))."
And not everyone believes horror movie discrimination begin and ends with race; High life @ AndreaNeves20 ties in the too-sexy theory with her tweet:
"the blonde girl or the black guy always goes first."
And Michael Meyers @ AJuryOf_Wolves is tired of size-ism in cinema, noting that:
"the black guy or the fat guy always dies first."
- Arts & Entertainment