Top 10 Historically Inaccurate Movies

07/24/08

SHOW THUMBNAILS

We all accept that movies stretch the truth in the interest of building drama. The following ten flicks, however, treat the truth like it was Silly Putty -- pulling and twisting it until it's unrecognizable.

10,000 B.C.
Director Roland Emmerich is usually a stickler for realism (see: sending a computer virus via Macintosh to aliens in Independence Day). So we hate to inform him that woolly mammoths were not, in fact, used to build pyramids. Heck, woolly mammoths weren't even found in the desert. They wouldn't need to be woolly if that were the case. And there weren't any pyramids in Egypt until 2,500 B.C or so.

Photo by DreamWorks, Everett CollectionGladiator
Emperor Commodus was not the sniveling sister-obsessed creep portrayed in the movie. A violent alcoholic, sure, but not so whiny. He ruled ably for over a decade rather than ineptly for a couple months. He also didn't kill his father, Marcus Aurelius, who actually died of chickenpox. And instead of being killed in the gladiatorial arena, he was murdered in his bathtub.

Photo by Warner Brothers, Everett Collection300
Though this paean to ancient moral codes and modern physical training is based on the real Battle of Thermopylae, the film takes many stylistic liberties. The most obvious one being Persian king Xerxes was not an 8-foot-tall Cirque du Soleil reject. The Spartan council was made up of men over the age of 60, with no one as young as Theron (played by 37-year-old Dominic West). And the warriors of Sparta went into battle wearing bronze armor, not just leather Speedos.

Photo by Warner Brothers, Everett CollectionThe Last Samurai
The Japanese in the late 19th century did hire foreign advisers to modernize their army, but they were mostly French, not American. Ken Watanabe's character was based on the real Saigo Takamori who committed ritual suicide, or "seppuku," in defeat rather than in a volley of Gatling gun fire. Also, it's doubtful that a 40-something alcoholic Civil War vet, even one with great hair, would master the chopsticks much less the samurai sword.

Photo by Walt Disney, Everett CollectionApocalypto
This one movie has given entire Anthropology departments migraines. Sure the Maya did have the odd human sacrifice but not to Kulkulkan, the Sun God, and only high-ranking captives taken in battle were killed. The conquistadors arriving at the end of the film made for unlikely saviors: an estimated 90% of indigenous American population was killed by smallpox from their infected livestock.

Photo by Columbia Pictures, Everett CollectionMemoirs of a Geisha
The geisha coming-of-age, called "mizuage," was really more of a makeover, where she changed her hairstyle and clothes. It didn't involve her getting... intimate with a client. In the climactic scene where Sayuri wows Gion patrons with her dancing prowess, her routine - which involves some platform shoes, fake snow, and a strobe light - seems more like a Studio 54 drag show than anything in pre-war Kyoto.

Photo by Paramount, Everett CollectionBraveheart
Let's forget the fact that kilts weren't worn in Scotland until about 300 years after William Wallace's day and just do some simple math. According to the movie, Wallace's blue-eyed charm at the Battle of Falkirk was so overpowering, he seduced King Edward II's wife, Isabella of France, and the result of their affair was Edward III. But according to the history books, Isabella was three years old at the time of Falkirk, and Edward III was born seven years after Wallace died.

Photo by Universal PicturesElizabeth: The Golden Age
In 1585, when the movie takes place, Queen Elizabeth was 52 years old - Cate Blanchett was 36 when she shot the film - and was not being courted by suitors like Ivan the Terrible (who was dead by then). And though the movie has her rallying the troops at Tilbury astride a white steed in full armor with a sword, in fact she rode side saddle, carrying a baton. She was more of a regal majorette than Joan of Arc.

Photo by Columbia Pictures, Everett CollectionThe Patriot
Revolutionary War figure Francis "The Swamp Fox" Marion was the basis for Mel Gibson's character, but he wasn't the forward-thinking family man they show in the flick. He was a slave owner who didn't get married (to his cousin) until after the war was over. Historians also say that he actively persecuted and murdered native Cherokees. Plus, the thrilling Battle of Guilford Court House where he vanquishes his British nemesis? In reality, the Americans lost that one.

Photo by MGM/Kobal, WireImage2001: A Space Odyssey
According to this film, in year 2001 we would have had manned voyages to Jupiter, a battle of wits with a sentient computer, and a quantum leap in human evolution. Instead we got the Mir Space Station falling from the sky, Windows XP, and Freddy Got Fingered. Apparently the lesson here is that sometimes it's better when the movies get the facts all wrong.

32 comments

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  • DON'T CARE HOW INACCURATE THEY ARE CAUSE 300 IS ONE OF THE BEST MOVIES EVER AND BRAVEHEART WAS PRETTY COOL TOO OTHERS ARE JUST OK
    report abuseYahoo! Movies User posted July 30, 2008, 3:15 pm PDT
  • I completely refuse to watch any movie which may be considered inaccurate. No matter how much money it made,how f@#$%n Awesome my friends say it is. 2,4 or 10 thumbs up. Oooo, it got 5 stars to. Who cares, its inaccurate so Im sure I want like it.WTF
    report abusesweet_cable_chick posted July 30, 2008, 5:01 pm PDT
  • I LOVE 300,BRVEHEART AND THE REST OF IT.ITS JUST A FILM FOR ENTERTAINMENT.LEAVE POLITICS FOR THE POLITICIANS.
    report abuseYahoo! Movies User posted July 31, 2008, 3:53 am PDT
  • 2001 A Space Odyssey isn't historically accurate? No! Really? That's because it's science fiction telling a story about what was going to happen in the FUTURE. It was made 40 years ago, at the time we still hadn't landed on the moon!
    report abuseEdward posted August 1, 2008, 4:16 am PDT
  • Ok, you realize these are MOVIES, right? A movie is like a novel, it is NON-FICTION. A movie's may purpose is to entertain, and sometimes to inspire, it is not meant to be a documentary. Look, watch a little show called the Oscars you will find they have a category called Best Picture, and one called Best Documentary. There's a reason for that. Oh, and the "Santa Clau
    report abuseTexas Penguin posted August 2, 2008, 5:49 pm PDT
  • Whichever nimrod wrote this needs to check the dates on which the year of "2001: A Space Odyssey" was set (2001), and what year Stanley Kubrick released the film (1968) and realize that it was a science fiction. If you are going to include 2001, why not toss in "I, Robot" and "Bicentennial Man" among others, all of which are based off of Isaac
    report abuseBob Saget posted August 3, 2008, 2:23 am PDT
  • these are movies people!....you want history open a book that deals with history or watch a documentary
    report abuseMARACUJA posted August 18, 2008, 10:18 am PDT
  • He was weak of character
    report abuseWendy R posted August 28, 2008, 1:34 pm PDT
  • 2001 historically inaccurate....HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I hope you don't pay anyone to write this stuff.
    report abuseYahoo! Movies User posted August 28, 2008, 3:20 pm PDT
  • LEAVE POLITICS FOR THE POLITICIANS?? Wow, what a typical American. That would be why they make all the rules and we have no real say in anything you lousy dill hole.Everyone should make it their business to know what made this country the way it is. (speaking for the American related movies) These movies are all fine and dandy, as long as we can separate fact from fiction. And also, all the other
    report abuseJustin B posted August 30, 2008, 2:53 am PDT
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