Awesome/Lame: Alien Visitors

08/13/09

SHOW THUMBNAILS

From humanity's earliest days, we have looked up into the night sky and asked ourselves, "Are we alone in the universe? Will we ever encounter life from other planets? And will they be awesome or lame?" Here are twenty different species of interstellar sightseers who came to Earth and either impressed or annoyed us.

Photo by Universal Pictures, Everett CollectionAWESOME: E.T.
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982)

He's short, slow-moving, barely intelligible, and looks like a pile of three-month-old bananas. So why is E.T. awesome? He can heal cuts, bring plants to life, get someone drunk telepathically, and turn your BMX into a private plane.

Photo by Orion Pictures, Everett CollectionLAME: MYSTERIOUS ALIEN CREATURE, aka MAC
Mac and Me (1988)

Mac is sort of like E.T., except that by the end of the movie, you're actually hoping that scientists dissect him. Where E.T. was so ugly he was cute, Mac goes all the way around back to ugly. He can breakdance, though, which he does at a McDonald's. With Ronald McDonald. And his name is "Mac." At least when E.T. shilled for Reese's Pieces he was a subtle about it.

Photo by DreamWorks/Paramount PicturesAWESOME: OPTIMUS PRIME
Transformers (2007)

He's about 30 feet tall and changes into a Peterbilt. That, in and of itself, is awesome. Add to it an energy rifle, some ion cannons, two energon blades, and a fundamental respect for all living things, and you've got a guy that won't even let dying slow him down.

Everett CollectionLAME: RO-MAN
Robot Monster (1953)

Ro-Man, the merciless alien robot who inexplicably looks like a gorilla wearing a space helmet, destroyed nearly every person on the planet with his fearsome "Calcinator" death ray. Then, his attraction to a human woman makes him question his mission. But it was all a dream. Or was it? Eh, who cares?

Photo by 20th Century FoxAWESOME: THE PREDATOR
Predator (1987)

Some aliens arrive in peace, some are out to conquer. The Predator came to take us out one by one. He stands over seven feet tall, can disappear with cloaking technology, and has the best dreads outside of the Caribbean.

Photo by Morgan Greek/Kobal Collection, WireImageLAME: TERL
Battlefield Earth (2000)

Terl, the sneering, eight-foot-high Psychlo security chief with vinyl upholstery clothes and Milli Vanilla hair, really wants to get off Earth. And after five minutes watching this mind-numbing mess, you'll really want him off the planet, too.

Photo by Universal Pictures, Everett CollectionAWESOME: THE GHOULS
They Live (1983)

On the outside, they appear to be bank managers, business executives, and politicians. No different from any other yuppie. But if you look at them through some very special sunglasses, you can see both their frightening alien faces and their subliminal messages with the command: "Obey."

Photo by Vestron Pictures, Everett CollectionLAME: MAC, WIPLOC & ZEEBO
Earth Girls Are Easy (1988)

Three alien dudes from the planet Jhazzala crash in an L.A. swimming pool and what do they do? Decimate the populace with ray guns? No, they shave off their DayGlo fur and hit the town looking for chicks. Aliens are supposed to act like fearsome conquerors, not rejects from "Entourage."

Photo by Warner Bros. Pictures, Everett CollectionAWESOME: The Martians
Mars Attacks! (1996)

Plenty of interstellar beings have tried to take our planet as their own. None before or since seemed to enjoy it as much as the Martians did. They vaporized Congress, flattened Vegas, put Sarah Jessica Parker's head on a Chihuahua, and laughed while doing it. At least, their squawks kind of sounded like laughter.

Photo by Universal Pictures, Everett CollectionLAME: HOWARD THE DUCK
Howard the Duck (1986)

Really, what's left to say about Howard the Duck? He's short, he's badly mannered, and he's generally unpleasant. He doesn't have special powers, or advanced technology, or any greater understanding of the universe. So how is it that he's able to charm Lea Thompson?

Photo by Paramount Pictures, Everett CollectionAWESOME: THE BORG
Star Trek: First Contact (1996)

The crews of the various starships named Enterprise faced many dangerous species in the far reaches of space. The Borg, however, brought the fight home. These cyborgs traveled back in time to end humanity, assimilating anyone who got in their way. Resistance was very nearly futile.

Photo by 20th Century Fox, Everett CollectionLAME: DAVE MING-CHANG
Meet Dave (2008)

Dave is actually a robotic vehicle for a race of little aliens called Nillians. Dave looks just like the tiny commander who pilots him. Dave picks a weird name and seems completely confused by Earth customs, even though the Nillians seem to be just like us (just smaller). It seems like the size of the laughs in this movie is directly proportional to the size of the aliens.

Photo by United Artists, Everett CollectionAWESOME: THE POD PEOPLE
Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)

Vegetation from outer space has been replacing humans in their sleep since their first invasion in 1956. Each time, they copy people so precisely even their closest friends don't realize it until it's too late. What is it that distinguishes their attempt to take over the world in the '70s? They won.

Photo by Criswell/Kobal Collection, WireImageLAME: THE GRAVE ROBBERS
Plan 9 from Outer Space (1959)

Can your heart stand the shocking facts of grave robbers from outer space? They arrived in their flying saucers that look suspiciously like paper plates on strings, and they awakened an army of reanimated corpses. Well, not an army, exactly. They awakened three corpses. Maybe it wasn't the greatest plan, but apparently it was better than numbers one through eight.

Photo by Warner Bros. Pictures, Everett CollectionAWESOME: GENERAL ZOD
Superman II (1981)

After being accidentally released from their imprisonment in the Phantom Zone, Zod and his followers, Ursa and Non, descended to Earth. Their mission: find the only other Kryptonian survivor, Kal-El, and destroy him. When someone with all of Superman's powers but none of his morals tells you to kneel before him, you'd better do it.

Photo by Transworld Entertainment, Everett CollectionLAME: KILLER KLOWNS
Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988)

Clowns try to be funny, but oftentimes they are just scary. Aliens try to be scary, but sometimes they end up being funny. So why is it that alien clowns are neither funny nor scary? Even the 30-foot-tall "Klownzilla" doesn't elicit a laugh or a scream. Just a puzzled, "Huh?"

Everett CollectionAWESOME: THOMAS JEROME NEWTON
The Man Who Fell To Earth (1976)

As aliens go, it's hard to get much cooler than Newton. He's a starman who makes a killing hawking alien technology, and he looks groovy -- if freakishly otherworldly -- while doing so. But the real reason Newton is awesome is because he's played by that original space oddity, David Bowie. And there are few beings on the planet, terrestrial or otherwise, cooler than him.

Photo by WETA/20th Century FoxLAME: KLAATU
The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008)

Klaatu was an alien ambassador, a creature of peace who is attacked for being different. He develops compassion for humankind, but he is also stern in his warning that we must learn to live in harmony. At least, he did in the 1951 original. In the remake, he's just Keanu Reeves: emotionless, unreadable, and vacant.

Photo by MGM, Everett CollectionAWESOME: SIL
Species (1995)

Just being intergalactically hot doesn't automatically qualify her as "awesome." She is awesome because she is incredibly strong, can outsmart government scientists, and kill people with her tongue. Plus, she can morph into a freaky, H.R. Giger-designed creature. But being hot doesn't hurt.

Photo by 20th Century Fox/The Kobal Collection, WireImageLAME: ALIENS WITH STUPID WEAKNESSES
Independence Day (1996)

Large-scale alien invasions are often thwarted by the smallest things. In "War of the Worlds," it was germs. In "Signs," it was water. But lamest of all were the invaders in "ID4," who were beaten by spyware. Don't aliens know not to open email attachments from an unfamiliar senders? If you're going to take over a planet, make sure your Norton Anti-Virus is up to date.

Photo by TriStar PicturesAWESOME: THE PRAWNS
District 9 (2009)

They are here by accident. Their ship came to a standstill over South Africa, and they were found starving and sickly inside. We put them in slums to scavenge for food, and we derisively named them after the shellfish they vaguely resemble. But they are very strong, smarter than we know, and determined to get back home.

Watch trailers and clips from 'District 9' >>

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