Hollywood wasn't safe last night with Lindsay Lohan guest hosting "Chelsea Lately," where she lobbed jokes towards some of the biggest stars - and herself.
"Chelsea's not here, and I actually don't know where she is, but I did see someone who looked like her moving into my old room at Cliffside," the 27-year-old actress, who recently completed a three-month stay in rehab, told the audience.
"As you all know, for the last 90 days I've been on a lovely court-ordered vacation in Malibu. But on a real note, it was really great and wonderful. It was. So, I've been through a lot lately, and I've got a lot of people to thank for that, most notably the celebrities who kept the tabloid industry alive in my absence," Lindsay joked.
"Like Anthony Weiner," she continued. "I want to thank Anthony for being a such d**k with an unlimited texting plan."
She then took aim at Kanye West for "acting like a baby and making a baby," asking the crowd, "How come when Kanye acts like an idiot, he gets a gold record, but when I act like an idiot, I get a police record? I still haven't figured that out."
Even the Biebs was a target.
"I want to thank you, Justin Bieber, for peeing where you shouldn't, spitting where you shouldn't and wearing your pants where you shouldn't," she said. "But most of all, I would like to thank the one person who's captured the worldwide attention of all of the tabloids: the Royal Baby."
The 27-year-old "The Canyons" star, who was dressed in all black for the show, added, "I'm back, I'm happy, I'm healthy, and sorry paparazzi, but if you want to take pictures of someone who's really f***ed up, you're just gonna have to wait until Chelsea's back."
Later on in the show, Kristen Stewart's recent run-in with the paparazzi was brought up - where the former "Twilight" star snapped at one - Lindsay chimed in with, "I'm just excited that Kristen Stewart, you know, finally showed some emotion."
But then quickly added, "No, I really do love her. She's awesome. I'm a Kristen Stewart fan... [But,] of course she hates photographers - they got a picture of her kissing a married man in a Mini Cooper."
The actress also poked fun at One Direction's Harry Styles, who recently claimed he's only has sex with two people.
"He's obviously not counting oral. Sorry, Harry!" Lindsay quipped.
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- Arts & Entertainment
- Lindsay Lohan
- Kanye West
- Kristen Stewart
- Anthony Weiner