The news that Janeane Garafolo was married to producer Rob Cohen for 20 years and didn't know it is exactly the kind of thing that makes conservatives decry the gall of celebrities spouting political viewpoints. Clearly, your political development is sharpened by the alcohol and drugs indulged in by celebrities like Tim Allen and Kelsey Grammer who are welcomed to speak at GOP events than by the unrealized marriage of a man and a woman.
The whole Garafolo/Cohen unrealized marriage story sounds like an idea for a movie comedy. Not a particularly good movie comedy, mind you, but a movie comedy nonetheless. The institution of marriage may take on great meaning and importance among conservatives during election season, but the divorce rate among just that very small demographic known as fat Republicans named either Newt or Rush indicates that in reality these moralmongerers tend to take the institution about as seriously as Hollywood screenwriters.
Garafolo's accidental marriage is a comedic concept that even finds it way into as serious and Republican a film as John Wayne's "The Searchers." Even Wayne's racist Ethan Edwards manages to find humor in his friend Martin's accidental marriage to a redskin. Clearly, miscegenation would be less funny to Ethan-almost as humorless as gay marriage to Wayne's conservative celebrity offspring-but in this case the accidental comedic nuptials seem very unlikely to produce such fodder for illegal abortion.
"Paul Blart: Mall Cop" is actually entirely driven in its narrative by Hollywood's tendency to see marriage as inherently comedic in nature. Blart's path to mythic heroism and an end-credits sequence revealing marriage to the woman of his dreams is put in motion by the most unfortunate of all circumstances: marrying an illegal alien who drops him like a hot potato once she produces another mouth to feed.
Clearly, Janeane Garafolo is the poster girl for the undeniable fact that Hollywood is liberal hotbed of traditional marriage-hating homosexuals who entered the country illegally.
For more from Timothy Sexton, Yahoo!'s first Writer of the Year, check out: