"The Artist" received a number of Academy Award nominations, has already been chosen as the best film of the year by a number of critics and looks to be on target to remain, at least temporarily, to be the front runner. All of which raises the question.
Why!
Or, more precisely, "WTF?"
A Star Is Born
"The Artist" is "A Star is Born." There, I've said and I'll stand by it. And since "A Star is Born" has come around the horn with that title intact roughly every two generations, this means that "The Artist" is very, very late to the party. What I am saying is this: nothing at all, in any way, shape or fashion about "The Artist" is original. "A Star is Born" is the most obvious movie to which "The Artist" pays homage [ripoff] but it is hardly alone. I will be frank: Yahoo Movies! does not give me enough room to list each and every movie to which "The Artist" pays homage [rips off] but you already know about the way it rapes the score of "Vertigo" and, perhaps, are even somewhat aware of how it tries to convince you that the lumbering French clod could actually do any of the stunts that Douglas Fairbanks, Sr. did. And if you are not one of those types who immediately dismisses watching "Citizen Kane" because it happens to, wrongly, yes, constantly be voted the best movie of all time, then you doubtlessly realize that the entirety of the relationship between Mr. French Guy and Penelope Ann Miller is based on Orson Welles' movie.
The Dog
Unless you have never heard of a fella goes by the manly name of Clint Eastwood, then you not only have seen an animal play as if it has been shot about a billion and a half times already, but you even saw it done by a freaking orangutan! The dog is cute. The dog even gets the chance to play the hero. Yawn. Seen it! Daisy from the "Blondie" series did more than half a century ago. And better.
The Frenchy
The winner of "Best Picture" at the Academy Awards should, at the very least, contain one dominant and impressive performance. Well, hey, John Goodman's good. But then Goodman is always good. That lumbering French doof trying desperately and vainly to convince us he can dance with the dexterity of a silent movie artist is essentially playing the exact same character he plays in those tedious "OSS" dramas. What's that" Those are supposed to comedies? Huh…who knew? And the girl? You know what? I've watched a lot of old movies, and I mean A LOT of old movies. And I can tell that I have never once seen a woman in those movies make a punching gesture to indicate excitement. Bad acting, she wrote!
Silence Would Have Been Golden
The only reason that "The Artist" has reached the point of penetration it has reached is because of the novelty of it being a silent movie. Just one problem: It's not a silent movie! Forget the incessant musical accompaniment highlighted by the bizarre utilization of music from "Vertigo" for absolutely not apparent reason. This silent movie also features a rather shocking amount of dialogue!
Simply stated: "The Artist" would be the most unoriginal movie since "Rocky" to take home Best Picture.
For more from Timothy Sexton, check out:
When the Movie Remake Becomes the Classic
Classic Movie Trivia Helpful for Winning Jeopardy!
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