The Twelve Red Carpet Steps

"Hello, my name is Richard Horgan and I'm an awardsaholic."

If there were such a thing as Academy Awards Anonymous (AAA) support groups, holding weekly L.A. chapter meetings and offering up sponsors like Leonard Maltin, then I would no doubt have to seriously consider joining the ranks. That's because until recently, I was one of those people who droned on professionally for months and months... and months about which pictures, actors, actresses, directors and screenwriters had the best shot at an Oscar and-or Golden Globe.

Now I don't begrudge anyone a good guessing game, but in recent years, the HFPA-AMPAS handicapping hullabaloo has reached epidemic proportions, as echoed this morning by CINEMATICAL Managing Editor Scott Weinberg, who touched off a minor Twitter firestorm by explaining, 'If I unfollow you for a few weeks, it's just because I freaking hate HATE - H A T E - 'oscar prediction' stuff. Pointless and redundant.'

As a recovering awardsaholic, I couldn't agree more, which is why I now humbly share the AAA Twelve Red Carpet Steps charter, just in case it can provide comfort to a professional colleague in need during the next four and a half months.

1) Admitted we were powerless over awards and that our cinematic objectivity had become unmanageable.

2) Came to believe that a ratings system greater than one related to awards season could restore us to sanity.

3) Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the theory of Francois Truffault, as we understood It.

4) Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of Tom Sherak.

5) Admitted to the blogosphere, to ourselves and to at least one other Oscar pronosticagor the exact nature of our past seasonal wrongs.

6) Were entirely ready to have LES CAHIERS DU CINEMA berate us in French for these deficiencies of character.

7) Humbly asked publicists to remove our name from For Your Consideration cocktail soirees.

8) Made a list of all actors we handicapped as longshots, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9) Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would involve contacting a publicist who does not return our calls or emails.

10) Continued to take cinematic inventory and when we were tempted to predict the chances of Carey Mulligan or any other, promptly admitted it.

11) Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with the spirit of Truffault as we understood It.

12) Tried to carry this message to one or more professional colleague(s) headed for a rented tux or borrowed evening gown. (Richard Horgan)