| Overall Grade: |
D- |
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| Story: |
F |
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| Acting: |
C |
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| Direction: |
F |
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| Visuals: |
C |
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Forget this movie if you can
by Matt (movies profile)
Aug 22, 2007
This is one of the worst movies I have seen this year. You should not see this movie but if you insist on wasting your time you should stop here, there are SPOILERS.
Gray Matters centers on Gray and Sam Baldwin (Heather Graham and Tom Cavanagh). Only Gray and Sam are Brother and Sister; living together in everyone else’s eyes as a married couple. No sex but just about everything else. Early on, the movie starts with its theme: ‘the most improbably thing at the most improbable moment with the most improbable reactions’. Gray and Sam decided to check out the dog park with a borrowed pooch. Rather then push her brother to get the skinny on first woman they see for him, she does it and gets to the nitty-gritty questions too. When she signals her brother to come over they start a 3-way date. Charlie (Bridget Moynahan) is the girl of THEIR dreams, like all the right things etc… Sam final hits Gray over the head and send her home. Sam finishes the date with a marriage proposal! That Charlie accepts! In one week Charlie, Gray and Sam are to be in Vegas.
In the next week Charlie and Gray are off shopping for wedding gowns (apparently Charlie has an off-the-rack figure). Gray is slurping an iced latte when Charlie suggests Gray tries on some gowns as well. Charlie picks out a $10,000 frock for her. While Charlie is zipping her in this ‘down-payment-on-a-house’ gown Gray continues to slurp on the latte (I swear it was like a feed bag). What should happen but ‘woops!’ latte all over the gown. It is never explained how they got out of Bloomingdale’s bridal salon with out a $10,000 mocha colored gown.
Back to ‘reality’ – Caesar’s palace Las Vegas. They have the ‘high roller room’ (Sam is a resident surgeon and Charlie is an intern zoologist – were do they get all this money?) Gray kicks Sam out to the single room down the hall so she and Charlie can have a bachelorette drink-a-thon were, you guessed it - they kiss. Gray remembers everything; Charlie remembers nada. They make it to wedding chapel and right when the Reverend gets to his line “If there is anybody is here who has any objection whatsoever to the union of these two lovebirds†Gray gets the hiccups. Gray excuses herself, for some reason the Reverend must repeat his last line and right on queue again ‘hiccups’.
Gray gets back to NY and starts dating any man she meets, literally. And of course one is- you guessed it again! Gay. The other is a jerk and the third is a taxi cab driver (Alan Cummings) named Gordy. He is smittened with Gray but the feelings are not returned. They become great friends. This is good because when she comes clean with Sam about the kiss. He blows up and kicks her out of their apartment. When Sam comes to his senses he goes to her office. She works at an ad agency and it is Twlight Zone-ish. The office has cameras and microphones in all the conference rooms that broadcast to all computer monitors at the agency. Sam gets Gray in one of the conference rooms for a not-so-private conversation and ends up outing her to the entire office.
This is where I doubt that there was a gay man or lesbian on the crew. Gordy comes to her rescue and convinces her to go to a lesbian bar. ‘Sorry no men’ says the bouncer. So Gray and Gordy return with Gordy in drag. Bad drag. He was in a sleeveless black satin-like blouse, a string of pearls, and a grandma’s church hat. No lesbian would ever confuse this ‘man in a dress’ as a drag queen much less a woman. The bar was also the straight man’s fantasy of what a lesbian bar is: a bar full of Victoria’s Secret models.
Everything turns out peachy – she goes home with her firm’s client. Gray happens to be on the woman’s account and finally does more then kiss. For some reason no one tells Charlie anything and she is oblivious through the whole movie of this kiss with Gray, but that is for the sequel. |
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