| Overall Grade: |
D- |
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| Story: |
D- |
|
|
| Acting: |
D+ |
|
|
| Direction: |
D- |
|
|
| Visuals: |
D- |
|
|
Make it stop!
by Alex (movies profile)
Apr 12, 2005
4
of
4 people found this review helpful
I love the Hellraiser movies... I really do. Inferno shouldn't have been in the Hellraiser series, but I liked it and thought it should have been its own movie.
So everyone had low expectations for this movie, but I was confident I'd find something salvagable in it.
No such luck. We actually had to occupy our type to distract from the torture of actually looking at this crap of a... can we legally call it a movie?
My theory on the origin of this movie (for amusement purposes only): Hellseaker was like a producer at Dimension had a hard on for screwing over Clive Barker and the whole Hellraiser property. It was like he kept saying, I'm going to make a movie to finally kill the series once and for all. He met a bunch of scripters, and if they said anything about going back to the original concept or staying true to Clive Barker's original intent, they were kicked to the curb. But one novice writer comes in and says he's never seen the Hellraiser movies, except Inferno a few times and he's looked at the still pics of the other movies, and that he could make a movie from that. The producer is like, this is my man to finish my master plan- Bwhahahahahahahaha! So the writer starts working on the script while sitting on the toilet half watching NYPD Blue, then the producer calls and tells him that the original actress who played Kirsti wants to be in it, so write a part for her. A key part. The writer says, but I'm halfway finished. The producer says to just slide her in and make it look important even if it really isn't. The writer agrees. He finishes, the movie is made with some director who studied the crappy pacing of Traffic and loved Queen of the Damned, and tada! We got Hellraiser: Hellseaker! |
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