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Certainly, Hollywood has produced some pretty awful movies over the years, but there are few films that are so bad, so inept, so painfully misconceived, as to become instant camp movie classics. Even the most high-profile of misfires have something to recommend them, or strive on purpose to be campy, and thus cannot truly be called bad movies because they have at least some degree of self-awareness. But devoid of even a glimmer of tongue-in-cheek humor, perhaps no film in the history of cinema self-destructed as quickly as Showgirls.

It took just a few hours upon the day of its premiere for this big-budget, NC-17- rated sexfest to earn its notorious reputation as one of the worst films ever made. But, I will stand up for this unsung masterpiece of modern cinema and say anyone who thinks Showgirls is a bad film just doesn't know what they are talking about. They clearly don't get it, because for a film to be truly bad it must be so uninteresting, so boring, and just plain unbearable to sit through that it doesn't offer even a single moment of enjoyment. But Showgirls is the very definition of entertainment - its contains nary a dull moment, so how can it be bad? I suppose it would be easy to rip apart the film piece by piece: the wooden acting, the terrible dialogue, the total lack of understanding of the milieu it purports to represent, and perhaps most bizarrely, its lack of any real eroticism. But why nitpick?

If somehow you have never seen this film, you are in for quite a treat. Elizabeth Berkeley, easily one of the most, er, aggressive actresses ever to grace a major Hollywood motion picture, attacks her breakout role as "Nomi Malone" with the ferociousness of the lion that mauled Siegfried & Roy. An aspiring dancer with a shady past, Nomi bulldozes her way to Las Vegas in search of fame and fortune. Her arrival to Sin City is auspicious: her luggage is stolen, she vomits on the side of the road after swallowing a particularly large Big Gulp, then instantly befriends budding seamstress Molly, who dreams of owning her own dress shop while toiling away for the big Vegas spectacular "Goddess." After meeting the show's new top attraction Cristal Connors (who beat out Paula Abdul and Janet Jackson for the role, we're expected to believe), soon Nomi is skirting dangerously close to selling her soul as she lies, backstabs and fucks her way to the top of the Las Vegas showgirl scene. Brilliant!

Director Paul Verhoeven and screenwriter Joe Esterhas, a pair not known for either their subtlety or their tact, have claimed that Showgirls is a "morality tale," and truth be told, it is. But they have absolutely no understanding of the world they claim to portray, other than that it is filled with lots of whores, sluts and borderline psychotics. And if there were ever a more perfect pair of dirty old men in Hollywood, I can't think of any. Their idea of female empowerment allows no room for vulnerability or self-awareness, only a brittle contempt for anyone more powerful than them, as well as the ability to put on a lesbo show.

Also strange is their idea of what constitutes eroticism, as all the characters in the film are so hard and unappealing that it is difficult to imagine anyone actually getting aroused by Showgirls. Aside from the overly-energized "dance numbers," Berkeley's orgasm/epileptic seizure in the whirlpool with Kyle "I'm coked out of my mind" MacLachlan has to be seen to be believed. And I'm not sure why, but like Verhoeven and Esterhas' previous cinematic opus Basic Instinct , the two seem obsessed with kickboxing lesbians that like to flick knives, lick their own tits and perform acrobatic routines before they try to kill you/fuck you, which in the Verhoeven and Esterhas universe amounts to the same thing.

The additional pleasures of Showgirls are too numerous to list. No one in the movie, especially poor Berkeley, seems to have any idea that they are not doing Shakespeare and how utterly ridiculous just about every line of dialogue is. Only Gina Gershon as Connors seems to possess any awareness that she is essentially playing Esterhas and Verhoeven's caricature of what they think a real woman is, and if she doesn't exactly chew the scenery, at least she bites off more than a few pieces. And who can argue away the fun factor of such inane lines as, "You fuck them without fucking them," "I love Doggie Chow, too!", and perhaps the greatest line ever uttered in the history of motion pictures, "Must be weird having no one cum on ya."

Yet despite such hack work, you can't fault the production values of Showgirls, which are uniformly terrific. Whatever you want to say about Verhoeven's dubious taste in screenplays, he knows how to compose a shot, and in terms of direction, choreography and overall technical prowess, the film is superb. Not that this excuses the movie, but aside from perhaps the ugliest rape scene ever committed to celluloid (which even I can't justify in any way, shape or form), Showgirls never steps wrong in terms of entertainment value. While I'm sure this whole thing sounds like a misogynist piece of shit, the film is so inept and laughable that any level of seriousness intended is instantly deflated and thus the film has no real sting. It is hard to imagine a film with more laughs per minute than this, so I give it four stars. Showgirls is truly the greatest good-bad movie ever made.

Video: How Does The Disc Look?

At last, Showgirls gets the 2.35:1 anamorphic widescreen transfer it has long deserved. The results are smashing. The previous non-anamorphic DVD actually looked quite good, and while this version appears minted from the same master, there are improvements. Colors are just as lush and vivid, but with slightly cleaner reproduction and less smearing and fuzziness. Detail is also a bit better, with more depth and less shimmering. While those without a 16:9 monitor may not benefit much, if you have a widescreen display, the anamorphic enhancement reduces shimmering and there is less edginess overall. Not a dramatic difference, but enough of one to entice Showgirls devotees to pick up this new edition.

The Audio: How Does The Disc Sound?

This DVD again features the same English 5.1 Dolby Digital surround track as on the previous DVD. But that is OK, because it is pretty darn good. The sound design is very aggressive with considerable surround activity, especially in the big dance numbers. This was a big glossy Hollywood production, and the recording was top notch. Bass is very strong (listen to that volcano explode and your nipples will pop to attention!), with great frequency response and "Cristal" clear dialogue. If you listen hard enough, you can hear every whisper, sniffle and grunt Elizabeth Berkeley makes.

And for even more fun, MGM has included French and Spanish 2.0 surround tracks (you haven't lived until you've learned to say "smiling snatch" in French), as well as English, French and Spanish subtitles and English Closed Captions.

Supplements: What Goodies Are There?

I will admit that I don't understand this new V.I.P. Edition. Don't get me wrong, I have been praying for the day this unsung epic would get its due recognition as much as the rest of you, but who exactly is the intended audience? MGM Home Entertainment seems to want it all ways - to appeal to horny straight men who want a virtual lap dance, the select few who actually want to know about the making of the movie, and the film's true audience, gay men and Gina Gershon's vast lesbian following. Unfortunately, it comes up short on all counts.

First let's start out of order and visit the Showgirls Video Diary. MGM apparently dug up some making up footage from the archives, as well as Paul Verhoeven's script notes, and made four little montages for four sequences from the film. This stuff is rather amusing, because we get to see the seriousness of the enterprise and Verhoeven coaching Berkeley on the proper expression of the word "Fuck." Unfortunately, what I really wanted was a Verhoeven audio commentary (he has publicly expressed a willingness to do so on past occasions), and at least something from the legendary trio of Berkeley, Gershon and MacLachlan. No luck.

So, we have to make do with the new screen-specific audio commentary with Showgirls expert David Schmader. Who is Schmader? More than an obsessed fan, he is a writer who had been staging screenings of Showgirls with annotated live commentary, before MGM issued a cease and desist. But it led to this commentary, which is by turns insightful, hilarious and boring. It is a shame that Schmader doesn't have more confidence, because he often comes up with some funny zingers and genuine perspective on why this film has become such a camp classic. And he redeems such statements as "Showgirls is the most underrated artistic achievement of the last century" with great humor and self- depreciation. I just wish he talked more.

With Schmader serving the camp audience, MGM caters to the Hooters crowd with a pretty dreadful video commentary by two "erotic dancers" from the famous titty bar chain Scores. I am afraid these girls are funny/scary - the seriously critique all of Nomi's dance routines without a hint of irony. Like a low-rung E! True Hollywood Story, this is amusing until you realize these girls equate exploitation with empowerment, then it just turns depressing. Also abysmal is the 5- minute Lap Dance Tutorial, which is just as insipid.

Rounding it out is a nice subtitle Trivia Track which has the expected amusing antecedents, factoids and a few making-of tidbits. Combined with Schmader's commentary, it is more or less engaging despite the film's long 131-minute runtime. We also get the film's theatrical teaser trailer, but dropped from this release is the hilarious making-of featurette on the previous DVD, which was classic because it was made before the movie's release, so everyone in it thinks they have made a classic.

Of course, the V.I.P. treatment would not be complete without the lavish packaging, and MGM actually has delivered on this count. The new artwork draws on the familiar Showgirls iconography but is nicely redone, and there are some hysterical goodies in the oversized box. Feast on two Showgirls shot glasses, a deck of playing cards, a foldout Berkeley poster with a blindfold and two paste-on tit tassels (what a fun drinking game!), plus eight bonus game cards. These DVD-sized cards each has a cool PR photo on one side, and the other a fun party game "The ABCs of T&A," "Sip 'N' Strip," etc. One even has some movie facts, which tell us that "Verhoeven and Esterhaz extensively researched the film by visiting real Las Vegas strip clubs." I bet. The packaging is the best part of this set.

DVD-ROM Exclusives: What do you get when you pop the disc in your PC?

No ROM extras have been included.

Parting Thoughts