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The plot of any movie called Freddy Vs. Jason is probably besides the point, but I'll give it a try. When we last left Freddy and Jason, both had been banished to hell; Freddy by the last of the Elm Street kids, Jason by a pair of giant Chia pets. (We have to leave New Nightmare and Jason X out of this, as both exist in their own parallel timeline/universe.) But Freddy is still hungry for more souls, so he tricks Jason with a nightmare and resurrects him. (How? You got me.) With Jason back and stalking anew on Elm Street, the kids and the authorities go into panic mode, the mere uttering of the name "Freddy!" enough to recharge his batteries. But then a group of hip and well-dressed teens reads the script and hatches a plan, setting up the grudge match of the century. The fire-retardant finale takes place at Crystal Lake, where these two aging terror titans go mano-a-mano in a bloody battle sure to test the limits of the MPAA.

To criticize Freddy Vs. Jason as dumb, unnecessary and another sign of the downfall of civilization is besides the point; we don't go to movies like this to rejuvenate our spiritual juices or discover grand new insights into the human condition. We just go to see how in the heck the filmmakers are going to stretch out a one-joke concept into a 98-minute movie. Well, they can't. As a film, Freddy Vs. Jason is kind of a mess - the paper-thin narrative buckles heavily under the weight of improbability, and there is not a single memorable human character. And neither Freddy nor Jason are remotely scary.

But FvsJ works far better as an action movie than as a horror flick, because when these two icons appear on the screen, we don't fear them, we cheer them. Such is the dilemma facing every modern slasher icon - once you become a pop phenomenon, your ugly mug becomes so familiar that the ability to terrify is impossible. Freddy is now as cuddly as a Teletubbie, Jason as lovable as Barney the dinosaur. The script by Damian Shannon and Mark Swift and the direction by Ronny (Bride of Chucky) Yu seem to anticipate this: the film's first 80 minutes is all a setup for the WWF-inspired battle royale, which delivers all of the prolonged action, bloodletting and cheap jokes that such a flimsy premise will allow. And that the film was a such a box office success speaks less to our need for a good scary movie than our insatiable appetite for cozy nostalgia. The appeal of Freddy Vs. Jason was that it would let us revisit the glory days of our youth, and watch as these twin totems of perverted innocence finally blew each other to smithereens. Hopefully, for the last time. And on that level, it delivered.

Rest in peace, Freddy and Jason.

Video: How Does The Disc Look?

Freddy Vs. Jason sure looks great. Included are both 2.35:1 anamorphic widescreen and 4:3 full screen transfers; the film was shot using the Super35 process, so the latter is slight cropped on the sides with extra headroom on the top and bottom. But FvsJ benefits from the widescreen compositions, which better pit one slasher against the other. Jason and Freddy deserve the full width of the picture.

In terms of picture quality, either is striking. What a wonderfully-shot film: blacks are rock solid, colors incredibly vibrant and rich, and contrast perfect. Freddy Vs. Jason is awash in the darkest of reds and blues imaginable, but never does smearing or fuzziness mar the transfer. Detail is also top-notch, with excellent shadow delineation which renders fine textures and minute detail readily apparent. Only the inherent graininess of the Super35 process results in some noticeable roughness, but nothing severe. The film is also ultra-dark, which is not a problem so long as you watch with the ambient light in your home theater set properly (you don't want to watch this one in bright sunlight). There is also no hint of edge enhancement and only a couple of slight instances of compression artifacting to distract. Terrific stuff.

Audio: How Does The Disc Sound?

Opting for a full screen version of the film instead of a DTS track, Freddy Vs. Jason have to get by with only a Dolby Digital Surround EX track, but it is pretty darn great. This is a very aggressive, fun soundtrack. Frequency response is excellent, from the pure highs and rumbling lows to the incredibly punchy .1 LFE. Surround use and separation across all channels is terrific - sounds are directed all over the place with some very clever discrete effects. Graeme Revell's percolating score bubbles and pops throughout, and dialogue (however bad some of it is) is always clean and clear. Great stuff.

Also included is an English Dolby 2.0 surround option, subtitles in English and Spanish, and English Closed Captions.

Supplements: What Goodies Are There?

New Line has pulled out all the stops for this Platinum Series two-disc set, for Freddy Vs. Jason was, behind only The Lord of the Rings, their highest- grossing film of the year. Unfortunately, I have to express disappointment - the extras here just don't come together, and this one falls a bit below New Line's usual high standards.

Let's go out of order and start with the better stuff. The Promotional section on disc two is actually better than most, even if it is all fluffy. We get the film's original theatrical trailer (in anamorphic widescreen and 5.1), no less than eight TV spots, and a music video, for Ill Nino's "How Can I Live?". But lots more fun is the nearly 10 minutes of publicity material from the Pre-Fight Press Conference and My Summer Vacation: A Visit to Camp Hack-N-Slash. Some of this footage is hilarious. The real Freddy and Jason squared off at a staged event at Bally's Las Vegas on July 15, 2003, and it is a ridiculous sight to behold. And to help earn goodwill with the diehard fans, New Line co-sponsored an all- weekend Hack-N-Slash extravaganza at the Alamo Drafthouse in Austin, Texas, which featured such charming activities as a Freddy and Jason coloring book competition, a wet T-shirt contest, and a world premiere screening of FvsJ. Not since Trekkers has fandom been this funny.

Next up are no less than 19 deleted scenes. But like much of the material on this set, it promises a bit more than it delivers. Except for the alternate opening and ending, the rest of the scenes are mere snippets that run less than a minute each. Nothing excised is particularly exciting, although some of it may have made the film a bit more coherent. The standout for me was the alternate opening, which effectively plays on all of the Friday the 13th cliches and is amusing. The alternate ending, however, is pretty terrible. Rumor has it this misbegotten finale generated guffaws at press screenings, and it is easy to see why, as it plays like a bad piece of soft core with a Freddy twist. Eeek! In any case, all of the scenes look smashing - each presented in anamorphic widescreen and remixed in Dolby 5.1 - and optional commentary is provided by Yu and executive producer Douglas Curtis.

Jumping over to disc one, we have the best extra on the set, the screen-specific audio commentary with Yu and the terrible titans themselves, Freddy (Robert Englund) and Jason (Ken Kirzinger). Luckily, neither play it in character (Jason actually speaks!), although Englund certainly rules this track - he talks a mile a minute, and it is easy to see where Freddy gets his wit and wisdom. Fans interested in the nuts and bolts of the production will be disappointed, but this is a hoot and a half nonetheless. You can also access an amusing Jump to Death menu function on disc one as well. Cute.

Rounding out the DVD-Video based supplements is the final section on disc two, "The Production," which has some good stuff but is overall disappointing. In addition to a reprint of the excellent Fangoria Magazine article "Freddy & Jason Go To Development Hell," by Anthony Ferranti, there is also a very extensive set of still galleries, divided into six storyboard sections ("Opening," "Trey's Death," "Grain Silo/Boiler Room," "First Battle," "Freddypillar" and "The Dock") and five production archives ("Behind the Scenes," "Concept Art," "Freddpillar," "Locations" and "Make-up Design/Models"). There is a ton of stuff here, and it is easy to navigate and nicely presented.

Alas, the meat of the Production section, the five making-of featurettes, just don't come alive. The first section, "Genesis: Development Hell" is the best, offering a valuable 10-minute overview of the long and complex gestation of Freddy Vs. Jason. Unfortunately, for the remaining four - "On Location: Springwood Revisited" (14 minutes), "Art Direction: Jason's Decorating Tips" (11 minutes), "Stunts: When Push Comes to Shove" (21 minutes) and "Make-Up Effects: Freddy's Beauty Secrets" (6 minutes) - an approach was taken to try and simulate a video diary-like feel but it ends up falling flat. There are some new interviews here, including good stuff with the highly animated Yu, New Line execs Stokely Chaffin and Robert Shaye, the screenwriting duo of Damian Shannon and Mark Swift, effects guru Bill Terezakis, and Englund, but the overabundance of on-set material goes on and on (and on) and is not edited into any sort of coherent narrative fashion. This should have been an epic 90- minute documentary of some sort, given how highly anticipated a film Freddy Vs. Jason was. But the many omissions are surprising. Where is the main cast and Kirzinger? Or something on the music? And there is not even a shred of coverage on the film's piece de resistance, the final battle. After watching so many great New Line DVD docs on such recent releases as Leatherface and Final Destination 2, this just didn't deliver.

Wrapping it up are 12 Visual Effects Vignettes running shy of 30 minutes. Visual effects supervisors Ariel Velasco-Shaw and Kevin Elam narrate each of the film's major CGI sequences. Pretty good stuff, but too little, too late.

DVD-ROM Exclusives: What do you get when you pop the disc in your PC?

The extensive PC enhanced extras turn out to be the most creative and unique on the disc. The fanciful custom interface looks great and is easy to navigate, and comes embedded with the usual basic DVD controls and weblinks to the official Freddy Vs. Jason website and other New Line destinations.

The extras are many and inventive. The Cutting Room Floor Editing Suite is an improvement over these types of features as presented as a DVD-Video-based extra, as access time is much better and it is easier to assemble with a mouse than a clunky remote control. You can rearrange clips in any order, complete with sound, and let 'er rip. This is not nearly as advanced as the similar (animated) workshop on the Spirit disc from DreamWorks last year (which in my opinion has never been bettered) but it is a lot of fun and will certainly eat up plenty of your time. You can also have fun with the Freddy Vs. Jason Soundboard, which lets you enjoy some of the film'sw campier quotes, mostly the usual witty Freddy-isms.

The Script Viewer is also top-notch, allowing you to read the entire script, scene-by-scene, with direct access to the film. You can also print out the script by select scene or in its entirety. The only disappointment is that none of the various script drafts (many legendary in fan circles) are included. But perhaps the most unique feature is one I have not seen before, the Enhanced Viewing Mode. This interface allows you to watch the movie while simultaneously answering trivia questions. It is sorta like a pop-up subtitle fact track, but more interactive. This is a very strong lkneup of PC-enhanced extras that is a real "cut above" what usually passes for ROM content these days and hopefully is a sign of more to come.

Parting Thoughts