Southland Tales(2007)- User Reviews

Donnie Darko was awesome because it didn't explain anything. It didn't need to. You just took for granted that there was a rift in the space-time continuum, and the rest of the movie just flowed unimpeded around that small bleb.
This movie is an accumulation of the 20 most beat-to-death ideas and themes that every Starbucks-addicted, hybrid driving, paranoid pothead worries about. The entire movie is told thru lame analogy after stupid allegory and on and on...all 190 minutes of it! The acting is terrible, even if you do recognize every actor in it from SNL and Star Trek: Voyager. There's no need to focus on the poor acting though, because the writer and director of this steaming pile of self-righteous neongenesis dung is the true villain here.
There isn't one clever thing about this movie. It's as if someone taught a class called "creative writings and contemporary analogies" to a bunch of 4th graders, told them to write a 2-page short story over the first weekend of the semester, and took what was turned in into one giant clusterf**k of a movie.
The dangerous thing about this "movie" is that there will be some braindead film students and drug addicts that think they are smarter than everyone else because they "got" this movie and liked it. Yes, I understand that Kelly is trying to show is displeasure in how American testing pigeontoes people into jobs by naming his characters "Boxer" and "Pilot" and "there are 76 Krysta's in the adult film industry." Ha ha, that's so funny and clever Mr. Kelly. Oh, and let's not forget the scene when 2 suv's convert their mufflers into male and female sex organs and hump each other! OOooo, that's clever too! Seriously, every theme of the movie is told thru Mr. Kelly's attempt to be clever and use analogies and allegories, but they are all transparent, lack creativity, and are all contemporary and stupid. Yes, we understand that all of Hollywood thinks that the only people that would dare support the Republican party are fear-mongering, gun-toting rednecks. We've seen and heard that all before. You didn't need to spell it out for us in Paul Verhoven-style commercials!
Here are some of the big scenes in this movie. If this doesn't warn you how bad this movie is, then you really need to re-examine your place in this world: The second coming of Jesus is a suicidal wannabe drug dealer/gangster who stands on an ice cream truck (not HIS ice cream truck, mind you) and shoots down a dirigible with a heat-seeking missile while the ice cream truck floats over the 2008 riots of Los Angeles. The ice cream truck is floating over the riots because twin brothers, who have right hands that glow, shook hands, and it disrupted the space-time continuum. But wait! The official movie website says they are twins, and the story says they are twins, but the screenplay written by Dwayne Johnson's character in the movie says they are actually the same person, but from 2 different timelines! Oh no! That's so compelling and brilliant of Mr. Kelly! What a great movie after all!
I'm not even scratching the surface of how dumb this movie is. There is not a chance that any single person with a sound, clear mind can possibly not hate this movie. I am glad it flopped, and I hope it ruins the career of the writers and directors.