Private Valentine: Blonde & Dangerous- User Reviews

This film isn't Jessica Simpson's "Swing Blade," which she accurately points out midway through the film. But it does deserve an accurate summary on Yahoo Movies. Simpson tries so hard to make a movie out of an implausible script and uninspired direction that it almost hurts to watch. That's a real kind of pathos--a movie which manages to parody itself.

An actress (Simpson playing herself under a different name), depressed because she discovers her "boyfriend" is gay, crashes her car in a funk and ends up at boot camp. You fill in the details. Somebody should.

Glued together with Jessica Biel's Home of the Brave, "Jessica & Jessica do Kabul" might make a Dada classic: Like Swing Blade but (most of) the victim survives.