Machete(2010)- User Reviews

You know those movies that are so ridiculously bad you watch them because of it. In that genre this is a classic. I watched it 2 AM in the morning because I couldn’t sleep. But even with my dimmed senses I couldn’t help but marvel. I’m gonna skip over the absurd story and river of blood and gore because that was nothing compared to the horror that was Steven Segal’s attempt at a spanish accent. Or Jessica Alba trying to play a tough cop in heels giving a speech on top of a car that made Keira Knightley look good in the third Pirates. Honestly, she’s so cute you just can't take her seriously but she tries so hard you love her for it. Added bonus is her creepy chemistry with Danny Trejo. (That was really scary.) But I digress. Robert De Niro does a pretty good Bush impression but I don’t want to rob you of all the shock and awe, pun intended. The movie is full of little gems of bad cliches and cheesy references to 70s porn flicks. The best delivered by Alba herself at the end of the movie. Come to think of it that was actually pretty good. (Insert smiley face.) But all that aside this movie is bad. If you are looking for quality entertainment don’t bother. Still, if you enjoy watching movies fail at every level this might be your ticket. If you are interested work up a good buzz or case of insomnia wait until it’s late night and enjoy the carnage.