Photo by Warner Bros. Pictures
Tween Drama Queen:
Once the victim of intense bullying until she got her braces off, learned to straight-iron her frizzy hair, and embrace yoga, this tween titan can sense the eye of the middle-school drama storm with the acuity of a hurricane chaser. With 5,000 Facebook friends and 12,000 Twitter followers, she is at the center of a virtual hive, where hormonal girls are constantly transmitting their anger at exaggerated snubs or chasing after cute boys only to drop them the next day with the rapidity of TeenNick sitcom dialogue. The danger escalates when Tween Drama Queen discovers that the combination of all this micro-trauma has been amplified through social media into a physical force that threatens the Earth's rotation and, eek, life as we know it. Even Hillary Clinton couldn't resolve all this conflict. The fate of the free world falls to the TDQ — if she can get her mother to drive her to the mall in time to save the planet and pick up a few things at Forever 21. Look for Chloe Moretz and Elle Fanning to duke it out for this role.
Sex goddess by night, Supreme Court justice by day, and mother in the middle, this energizer Playboy bunny of a woman has turned multitasking into an Olympic sport. Shop organic, write the dissenting opinion on health care, or lay down the law in leather for her husband once the kids have finished their calculus homework — she never breaks a sweat. It's no wonder Mama Mia cracks. And when she does, she delivers an aria of rage to Batman, that pawn of patriarchy who thinks she's cute when she's angry. That just may be the last straw. When it comes to casting, it could go to Julianna Margulies of "The Good Wife" or Angelina Jolie, who knows that it takes a village of nannies to pull off this kind of lifestyle.
Dr. Jeopardy Answer:
Following excessive radiation at her annual mammogram when the frazzled technician left the room, flipped the switch, went to lunch and was clocked by a car, this once-mild marine biologist and mother of teenage triplets has morphed into a walking Wikipedia. What is pi? What chance does Ang Lee's movie "Life of Pi" stand starring Tobey Maguire — and should the star really have left the "Spider-Man" franchise? Where did I leave my retainer? Whether the questions are about pop culture, popular mechanics, or the truth about paranormal psychology, Dr. Jeopardy has all the answers. And it's wreaked havoc on her domestic happiness, complicating her tenuous relationship with her teenage sons, who believe she doesn't know anything despite her constant stream of wisdom. An agonized Dr. Jeopardy faces her darkest hour when forced to leave rhetorical questions unanswered, and heads to Tibet, where a vow of silence is the only thing that has come between humanity and the correct answer to the meaning of life, phrased as a question. Tina Fey could take the lead for a comic bent, or Marion Cotillard could walk away with a drama.
Catwoman may be territorial, but Gotham isn't the only place on Earth. And sometimes explosions and wheezing uber-villains are the least of our worries. Will we achieve universal health care? Are you really going outside in those short-shorts? And can Katie Holmes revive her career post-Tom Cruise while juggling custody of Suri and exposing Scientology? Paging Dr. Jeopardy Answer -- stat!
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