Stop This Human Centipede, We Want to Get Off!

We know everyone's all excited about "Human Centipede (Full Sequence)" and its new meta-trailer (above). It's all depraved and schlocky and gory and everything that's wrong (and therefore delightfully right!) with the world. And we enjoy the first film way more than we should. But we're starting to lose interest. We're starting to tire of the gimmick, and we haven't even seen the film yet.

We don't mean the Centipede gimmick; Lord knows that could go on forever. (Honestly, how long until "Human Millipede?") We mean director Tom Six himself. Remember his initial "teaser" trailer?

It's pretty difficult not to want to slap that smug grin off his face, isn't it? We've written this before, but it bears repeating:

"Human Centipede (Full Sequence)" isn't Six making another movie with the sort of crazed originality of the first film; it's just him fully giving himself over to the "oooh, how GROSS!" midnight movie crowd. Which is fine, we guess: Everybody's gotta make a living. But it essentially turns Six into the blood-schlock version of Todd Phillips, rushing out a hacky sequel whose only reason for existence is to "top" the first one, to take everything interesting about the first one and repeat it, only More So. Thus, the sequel features a man masturbating with sandpaper. Charming. And only shocking in theory; in reality, only derivative.

If shlock horror films were the stock market, we'd be living in a "Human Centipede" bubble. (What a terrifying mental image, by the way.) We have a feeling, when "Human Centipede (Full Sequence)" is released and people actually watch it, that bubble's gonna burst.

'The Human Centipede"s 'Hangover' Problem [The Projector]