Denouement: Why Is There a Dog on the ‘Tower Heist’ Poster?
If you're anything like us, the multiplex-rocking news that upcoming, presumed Eddie Murphy/Ben Stiller blockbuster "Tower Heist" will be made available to five housebound families in the Portland and Atlanta areas at the low, low cost of $60 and a three-week delay had you immediately asking some very important questions about the film and the Universal's ambitious plans for it. Such as: Doesn't $60 seem like a lot of money to watch a movie in your own home, 21 days after all of your friends with questionable cinematic taste have seen it, especially if the price does not include an in-house visit by the delightful Gabby Sidibe? Does director Brett Ratner have any involvement with this probable debacle? [He says no, btw.] And, perhaps most crucially: Hey, why is that super-adorable little dog sitting near Casey Affleck's feet on the "Tower Heist" poster? No one mentioned a dog?
Indeed, no one mentioned the dog in "Tower Heist." (Feel betrayed? So do we.) So unless the dog's presence is some completely disconnected promotional gambit by the Universal marketing team, that dog is going to play a prominent role in the movie. In the absence of a hard answer to our queries, here are five different scenarios in which this mystery canine might fit into the "Tower Heist" plot:
* Early focus-group testing revealed that women 18-45 find Tea Leoni's FBI agent character "too harsh," suggesting the studio find some way to soften her up if she's to be made believable as would-be criminal Ben Stiller's love interest. $60 million in reshoots later, otherwise dour Agent Gertie Fiansen became the doting owner of a pocketbook-dog named "Jedgar" (snappy Stiller retort: "Does he secretly like to dress up in tiny poodle heels?"), who's always wiggling his way out of his doggie-bjorn at inopportune times and interfering with Leoni's job. When Alan Alda's Madoff-esque bad guy finally gets his comeuppance, Jedgar compounds the indignity by piddling upon his $2,000 Bruno Magli loafers.
* Initially finding it impossible to penetrate the Tower's airtight defenses to begin the heist, fast-talking ex-con Eddie Murphy devises a bold, on-the-fly plan for bypassing the security desk. Nabbing a pooch from a distracted dog-walker outside the building, Murphy grabs Stiller by the arm and marches right up to the stoic gatekeeper, insisting they have an appointment somewhere on the evil mogul's floor. "No pets. Only service dogs," says the guard, predictably.
"Oh, this is a service dog," ad-libs Murphy. "My husband has terrible asthma and Flooffles helps him to breathe." A stunned Stiller catches on, fakes a small coughing fit, then raises the poodle to his face, inhaling deeply. "See? It calms him down, relaxes his throat."
When the still-skeptical guard refuses to acknowledge the existence of asthma-dogs, Murphy takes very loud, theatrical offense, threatening that his beloved Seizure Boy (now a tender term of endearment, in a masterful, improvisational reversal from the controversial trailer moment) will suffer a fatal and liability-insurance-premium-wrecking attack if Flooffles can't accompany them inside. They're ultimately waved through the checkpoint after Murphy's histrionics and Stiller's disturbing, convulsive wheezing draw too much attention from aghast on-lookers, and the heist is on.
* At "Tower Heist's" thrilling climax atop the skyscraper, cornered antagonist Alda threatens to throw Precious, the cute pet hotel maid Gabourey Sidibe has been secretly keeping in the housekeeping office, to the street hundreds of feet below. When Alda's bluff is called, the monster flings the poodle over the edge to its apparent demise. But just as the tears start to flow, an FBI helicopter rises up into the frame, revealing Leoni and Matthew Broderick clutching the end of a giant butterfly net in which the pup has safely been ensnared. "I always hated dogs," sneers Alda, as he's escorted away into custody. "Helicopters, too."
* During the brainstorming portion of the heist, wild-card Murphy, noticing Stiller's prizewinning purebred Tugg, suggests they sneak the $20 million out of the Tower inside the dog. As Stiller protectively cradles the pet, a dim Casey Affleck notes the pooch is way too small for hiding that much money, prompting Murphy to explode, "It's not like you got time to go adopt a Doberman! You smuggle with the dog you have."
* When a hungry, distracted Stiller accidentally eats a bite of a hallucinogen-dosed room service meal meant to temporarily incapacitate their heist's target, he starts to believe the socialite's dog stuck with him on the elevator can talk. "Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?" screams the dog, voiced by Chris Tucker, in a somewhat self-serving homage to director Ratner's greatest contribution to cinema. When he looks to the socialite owner for confirmation this is really happening, she is now played by a bewigged Jackie Chan, who just shrugs. "Bitches, man."
